NursesNotes

Nurse Nancy just loves the Darwin Awards. This is a clssic, and I nearly roflmao each time I read it!! :)

Scrotum Self-Repair
1991 Honorable Mention
Confirmed True by Darwin
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.

The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.

An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

By Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania.

DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2004

If you are driving behind me on the Interstate and the speed limit says 60 mph, that's what I'll be doing - weather permitting. If the weather is a little dicey as it is tonight with a lot of snow blowing around and black ice on road, do not tail gate me. Do not drive up my ass because ,guess what jerk, IT DOES NOT MAKE ME DRIVE FASTER!!! I will drive at a sensible speed that makes sense for the conditions. I usually slow down to 55, not often any slower but it still makes the cretins drive up my back bumper.

And then when they go by, it's always some asshole in a piss ass little car.
I drove to my Daughter's college this afternoon and drove back in the dark. I hate it when idiots drive right up my ass and try to "ride my wind" . I'd like to give them some wind all right, I'd like to be able to open the trunk remotely and have a big gun rise up and point at them!! Some idiots you should just have to blow up, just to prevent them from breeding, or breeding again!

For all you pervs,stripping wallpaper is time consuming and laborious work. It is not something I recommend doing!!
Use ibuprofen, ice and a nice glass of wine when you are done, to help ease those aches and pains and to reward yourself!!

NurseNancy has been having a few difficult weeks, so here is a little bit of fun to chase away her gloomies. I've been really stretched at work, coping with some budget issues which will affect the staffing of my units. As well, I'm studying for an exam, so things are a little tense!! Have a laugh. It's said to be good medicine!!

Good reasons why it's great to be a woman:

You won't starve without a can opener.
Your friends won't get drunk and hit on your sister.
Jeweller's and grocery stores won't rob you blind.
Short skirts will always cure Unemployment.
Male Pattern Baldness.
You're 5 times less likely to kill yourself.
"Heavy Lifting" isn't a necessity for employment on your resume.
You can distract an entire roomful of men just by reapplying lipstick.
You smell better. No matter what.
When you fight, you fight to kill.
You can cook your own food.
You rule the bathroom.
Mo matter how long it takes to get ready, guys will always wait for you.
Sex means never having to finish the job.
It's ok for you to marry for money.
No one ever mistakes your chest for a bathmat.
You'll never have more hair in your nose than on your head.
You don't consider urination a competitive sport.
You don't consider tomato sauce to be a fashion statement.
You'll always get served first in a hardware store.
Men are optional.
The Three Stooges don't live in your universe
You never feel compelled to scratch yourself in public.
You can bend over in prison.
You can walk down the street without mentally undressing everyone around you.
You can always find a sucker to pump your gas for you.
You can wear your sister's clothes without making a major lifestyle adjustment..
Short girls are "petite". Short guys are "midgets".
Grooms all look the same. Everyone only wants to see the Bride.
No matter how ugly you are, you'll always be able to get laid.
No matter whose place you stay at, you'll always get the bed.
"Stagettes" are our little secret!
Someday you'll be a rich widow.
No matter what you do, you'll always be "daddy's little girl" (this is not sexual, you perverts).
You don't consider farting to be the epitome of humour.
You secretly admire Loreena Bobbitt. .
Your idea of a good movie doesn't need "Debbie does . . ." in the title.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.

By 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky breasts, never-ending erections and no recollection of what to do with either of them.

This is a genuine psychological test.
It is a story about a girl. Whilst at the funeral of her own mother, she met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be that she fell in love with him there and then... A few days later the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?
DON'T Scroll down until you have thought what your own answer is to this question!!!!!

























*Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered it correctly. If you didn't answer correctly - good for you. If your friends hit the jackpot, may I suggest that you keep your distance.

~Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level
and then they beat you with experience.~

An elderly Cherokee man was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside of me; it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One wolf is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other wolf is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generos-ity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee replied simply, "The one you feed."

Author Unknown

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

"He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything." -Arabian Proverb

When an old lady died in a geriatric ward of a hospital in Scotland, it was believed that she had nothing of value. Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem. It has made the rounds on the internet and in many nursing publications. I love it because it makes me stop and think each and every time I read it. Unfortunately, her name is not remembered.
Remember this poem when you next meet an old person, who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there too!!

Look Closer... See Me!
What do you see nurses? what do you see? What do you think when you are looking at me?

A crabbit old woman, not very wise. Uncertain of habit with far away eyes.
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply, when you say in a loud voice " I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do, and is forever losing a stocking or shoe?
Who resisting or not, lets you do as you will, with bathing and feeding, the long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see? Then open your eyes nurse, you're not seeing me.
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still, as I do at your bidding as I eat at your will.

I'm a small girl of ten with a father and mother, brothers and sisters who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet, dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride now at twenty, my heart gives a leap, remembering the vows I promised to keep.
At twenty five now, I have young of my own, who need me to guide them in a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young grow so fast, bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty my young sons are grown and gone, but my mans beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty, once more, babies play round my knees. Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead. I look to the future and I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own and I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman and nature is cruel.
"Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart. There is now stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells, and now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain, and I'm loving and living my life over again.
I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast, and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, open and see,
Not a crabbit old woman,
Look closer.......see ME!!!!

Only one color, but not one size
Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies.
Present in sun, but never in rain,
Doing no harm and feels no pain.

What is it?


It's your Shadow!!

I have been watching, with interest, the developing story on a newer, more drug resistant AIDs virus. This is particularly troubling for those of us who work in AIDs health care . Please pay attention to this story as it evolves. Anyone could be at risk, if you indulge in risk taking behaviors. Even though this particular article does mention gay male sex,as well as sex with "anonymous" partners, AIDs is an equal opportunity infector. It doesn't care who you are or what you are doing. If it involves the risk of exposure, you could be taking a chance.
NurseNancy doesn't want you to contract this dreadful disease. Or any other disease!!
As a matter of fact,we'll talk about chlamydia sometime.


CBS 2 - New York News | cbsnewyork.com
New York Health Scare: Rare Strain Of HIV In City

* New Strain Does Not Respond To Common Treatments

Feb 11, 2005 5:14 pm US/Eastern

Health officials warn that a rare strain of the HIV virus has reached New York City.

The city health commissioner wants to send out one message for all New Yorkers to stop any forms of risky sex because a new strain of HIV has been diagnosed that does not respond to the most common treatment of AIDS.

The city’s health commissioner, Dr. Thomas Frieden, says that a male New York City resident, whose name was not revealed, had unprotected sex with a number of anonymous partners and he now has AIDS.

HIV usually takes about a decade to develop into AIDS, but in this case, the progression was much more rapid and that is why city health officials and advocates from several health organizations across the city are alarmed.

“It’s a wake up call to the community of men who have sex with men. There is an urgent need to reduce the practice unsafe sex. Particularly in conjunction with drug use. Second, it is a wake-up call to physicians and that we need to do a better job diagnosing patients,” said Dr. Frieden.

He also says this is a wake up call to the public health community to have better monitoring and better HIV treatment.

He is asking any New Yorkers who think they are at risk to get tested immediately.


© MMV, CBS Broadcasting Inc., All Rights Reserved.

This is the ingredient list of what I'm eating, guess what it is.....
modified milk ingredients
glucose solids
sugar
mono- and diglycerides,
cellulose gum
guar gum
polysorbate 80,
carageenan,
natural and artificial flavors,
bacterial culture,
color ( contains tartrazine)

give up?.... it's french vanilla frozen yogurt!! It actually tastes a lot better than it sounds!! :)

Sickness is visiting the Nurse household. NurseNancy was only able to get up this morning to get sick kids organized and comfy then she is heading back to bed. I have even swallowed my pride and allowed the M-i-L to come up and give me a hand with the kids. If she comes down with it I'll have to listen to 6 months of bitching. Thankfully, MrNurse is still symptom free. It's a mixed bag for those who are interested, a little gastro here, a killer headache there, some major sinus pain, aching joints and severe vertigo. yech.
Stay healthy. This is not fun.

All Right.... here's Nurse Nancy's list of the top ten visitors in the hospital. It makes life so easy for the staff, ya know....!!

10. The man who snuck in three cats to visit his asthmatic mother.

9. The visitor who ate all his father's food, then rang the nurse to say that the patient was still hungry and needed another tray.

8. The wife who asked you to take her stroked-out husband to the bathroom whenever SHE really was the one who had to go.

7. The son who emptied his mother's colostomy bag into the wastebasket.

6. The husband who fell asleep in the patient's bed while his wife was in the bathroom.

5. The wife who discontinued her husband's central line herself, because “John likes to sleep on his right side.”

4. The 80 year-old daughter of the 98 year old man, who kept turning off her father's continuous gastric feeding because, "He never eats this much a home."

3. The children of one patient who insisted upon using their mother's portable IPPB machine as a scooter in the hallway.

2. The husband who kept sneaking in chocolates for his newly diagnosed diabetic wife.

1. The man who never actually visited his mother, but called twelve times every shift to criticize the nurses, the doctors, the food, and anything else that came to mind.

Just a gentle reminder, folks, don't try these at home or your local hospital..... :)

Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

I get paid this week. I'm really glad about that because we have so many places for our collective salaries to go. we have a large family, a big mortgage and kids in college. I hate having too much month left at the end of my money!!

I just ate the hottest Salsa in the world!! Now my lips are burning!! I am having a nice big glass of cold white wine to quell the flames!!

Wow, a nice Sunday morning. The sun is shining and it is actually above freezing- for a change!! I doubt this will last too long but I'll enjoy it while I can!! Painting is coming along, so it's nice to have all the windows open to ventilate the rooms. We are going with a nice almost celery green in my daughter's room. We are thinking of yellow next for the kitchen. I've had blue walls, with white beadboard wainscotting and dark blue Toile curtains forever, so New England, so I'm thinking more Sunshine, Light and happy feelings.....wea re checking out the yellows at the paint store. So many to choose from!
Next project ....new lights. I'll try to post some pics.

It's Friday evening. :)
Pour yourself a glass of your favorite libation and relax!!
I'm having an Australian Merlot. Lovely! :)
What's your favorite Friday evening beverage?

Is this awesome news or what? I'm so glad I work in a field that does nifty life saving things like this!!

New Cancer Treatment Causes Fewer Side Effects
Liquid Radiation Destroys Cancer Without Ravaging Rest of Body
By JOHN McKENZIE

Feb. 3, 2005 - A study published in today's New England Journal of Medicine offers encouraging news about a novel way to fight cancer. It finds that injecting a type of liquid radiation, called Bexxar, into patients with lymphoma -- a cancer of the immune system -- can fight the disease more quickly and with fewer side effects that existing treatments. The approach might eventually be used on a variety of cancers.

"This is the first time we're using injectable radiation to treat cancer," said Dr. Andrew Zelenetz, a hematologic oncologist at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York.

The radioactive drug is delivered intravenously and works like a guided missile. It travels throughout the body, homing in on a specific protein found on the cancer cells.

"And when it latches on to it, it now has radiation attached to it and the radiation is essentially there at the site where you want it, radiating the tumor and not radiating other tissues," said Dr. Mark Kaminski, director of the Multidisciplinary Lymphoma Clinic at the University of Michigan Cancer Center.

When Bexxar was used to combat non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, 59 percent of patients remained cancer-free during the five years of study.

"These results are very similar to the results we're getting with state-of-the-art chemotherapy," said Zelenetz. "However, the distinct advantage here is that it is much more user-friendly for the patient."


Few Side Effects

The liquid radiation treatment is completed in just one week, compared to the 4½ months often required for chemotherapy. There are remarkably few side effects -- no hair loss, less nausea, and a lower risk of infection. Fatigue is the most common side effect.

Theresa Singh, a 46-year-old mother, had tumors bulging from her abdomen when she got the experimental therapy.

"It was so quick and easy," she said. "The day after I took the therapeutic dose, I noticed the tumors had shrunk. It was that quick after the treatment."

It can be effective in patients who have failed all other forms of treatment.

Early results are so promising researchers are now testing this approach on a variety of cancers -- including ovarian, prostate and breast cancers.

The researchers predict they will know within three to four years how many more cancer patients might benefit from liquid radiation.

Well the ground hog saw his shadow today, so I guess, to those of us to whom it matters, we will have 6 more weeks of winter!! I think I've had enough!! * digging more snow from the front of my house*
I used to wish that my Beech of a boss would see her shadow and go away for six weeks, too!! However, I don't need to worry about that anymore, she moved to her new office today!! Upstairs with the honchos!! I wished her well. I baked a cake!! And no, I did not put ground glass in it!!! Actually, it was a pecan caramel coffee cake and it was scrumptious!!

Well, the beast is dead!! Long live the Beast!! Ms. B actually came to my office and told me she has enjoyed our working relationship and is looking forward to many more years of working closely!! I had such a smile on my face!! Have you ever been so totally happy? It was like being told I had just won the Publishers Clearing House and Ed McMahon was coming over!!
YAHOO!! * jumping in air and clicking heels together!!*
Oh, I am so going to enjoy my class tonight!!

Well, today is the day that they will OFFICIALLY announce department promotions and section leadership transfers. I do believe that my boss Ms. Beech, will be officially promoted outta my life, err, I mean promoted to her new job!! Does it get much better than this?
Actually, I toyed with the idea of applying for her position when it came up, but decided not to , for the time being. I am currently taking another post grad degree, and between my family and that I don't know if I have the stamina to take on a bigger career challenge right now.
Maybe next year, if we don't get transferred with MrNurse's career. I also don't want to leave the units that I run. I love my patients and after lobbying so hard for the dedicated AIDs beds and determining the value in such a service I don't want to leave now. I would like to be able to do my annual report and show the value given for these services.
In the mean time, I spoke to our family last evening about notching up the respect factor and everyone is ( so far) on board!!

Have a great and respectful day, folks!!